It's been a wild and wooly weekend and long lived through Wednesday. Sorry for the late updates but here we go - this is an all in with Ruminations and Results:
Results Overview with Movers and Shakers
Holy Mackerel V moves into a third week at the top spot, this time putting up 10 points to take a commanding 4 point lead. This was a nice bounce back from the prior week's 6 point dud. On the downside, SUCFP continues a slow fall, dropping to ninth place from 3rd. Apparently due to technical glitches, her picks didn't register on Friday. She took a college try at the afternoon games. Even with the late shot, she still came in with only one less correct pick than...me. As for Augusta DayStrippers and Eagles, both made all their picks and still came in behind SUCFP?
Best Pick Award
Whoshuregirl with Vandy.
Worst Pick Award
No REAL criminally bad ones, but Holy Mackerel V and Augusta DayStrippers were the only ones to pick CMU - and pick them poorly.
Stat of the Week
As a group, we are at an even 50% correct picks through Week #8 - my apologies for keeping this number down.
Ruminations
The best I can say about the last weekend is best summed up in the following graphics:
I work in a field where tax filings matter. October 15 is a big day in my world and, thusly, I'm swamped, in a Gator offense sense. I must be brief in ruminating this week. My apologies to those of you that hang on every one of my written words.
Georgia Georgia'd
As has come to be expected in the Mark Richt era, Georgia will underperform at one or more points during the season. Not that every team that isn't presided upon by the great Saban doesn't have it's underperforming moments, but Georgia's are more predictable. Just when the stage is at its biggest, it will happen. No, Missouri isn't the "it" game on Georgia's schedule. in fact, the Tigers, until yesterday perhaps, were just a passing thought in the world of the SEC. Long time Dawg fans didn't likely see a difference between Missouri and, say, Vandy. And who could blame them? The Missouri debut in the conference was tepid at best, and overshadowed by Texas A&M and their own Johnny Football. That said, Missouri was coming into Athens yesterday as an undefeated team - maybe the quietest undefeated team in a major conference. Well, they are still undefeated. It's tough to down the Dawgs for this given the rash of injuries that plagued them but the truth is this could be foretold. Georgia's defense, prior to injuries, was awful by SEC standards. Heck, by any standards. It was only a matter of time before a team with a capable offense would outgun them. And now you know why Clemson won too.
Oklahoma Oklahoma's
Different year. Same Bob Stoops. Shoulda seen it coming. In a week where the sports air heads were talking about the margins by which the Sooners would stomp Mack Brown's inept crew, up rose the soft tendencies of Oklahoma. Stoops has over a decade now of games where his teams simply don't show up. The Red River battle was the latest in the series. Mack Brown was as lame a target as one could pick yet here were his Longhorns, finally looking like a team made up of the 4 and 5 star recruits that they are. And there, on the other side of the river, stood Stoops troops, wondering why the Longhorns didn't simply hand them the game. I don't like Mack Brown or Texas, which makes me not like the Sooners.
Stanford Pac 10'd
#1 - I'm really struggling calling it the Pac12. I just can't.I made the switch from Pac8 just fine but this one...too much. Every year, a Pac10 behemoth goes down in mysterious ways. A few years ago, it was the Stanford Cardinal - long term doormat, that upended the golden boy USC Trojans as 41 point underdogs. This year, Stanford fell on the road to Utah, a team they had no business losing to. The Utes wins, prior to yesterday were against Utah St., Weber St., and BYU and, outside of Weber St., none were decisive. Stanford, on the other hand, weren't exactly world beaters but looked like they had all the answers and were the best bet to upend the Ducks in conference. Now THAT designation goes to the UCLA Bruins - who just keep winning.
Michigan Big10'd
Props to the Big10 for not changing its number (yes I realize the Big12 stymied it but still...) Michigan has been edging out inferior competition all year long - until yesterday. Goo for Penn State. Lord knows its fans need a boost. Michigan proves the case that the Big10 is not what is once was. It really hasn't been for some time. It also proves why people are looking skeptically at Ohio State.
ACC is on stage
Now the stage is set for the ACC to look like something. FSU Clemson next week will be a #3 vs #4 ish match up and the biggest thing to hit the ACC since Miami last won a title and then was robbed of a second by a phantom pass interference call. Come on ACC - don't screw it up. BAHAHAHAHA - like THAT won't happen.
If memory serves, the Texas-OU weekend has traditionally been a bloodbath in the grand history of BUCFP. This weekend was no different.. This is the first weekend in which many top ranked teams play each other, so the number of games available to pick is low. In addition, the meat of the season is upon us - no more vs. Central Southeast State. Everyone has to play in conference. Only one player best 50% this week, and not by much...
Movers and Shakers
Last week SUCFP missed the first half of games. This week, she made claim to each, and in doing so, bested us all with 9 correct picks. For her efforts, she jumped back up in the standings from 12th last week to a tie 3rd. Holy Mackeral V came in with only six points, but those were good enough to maintain her top spot. Eagles, with 7 points, jumped into 2nd from 4th. GoBlue and Boardwalk Empire took a joint step from 7th to 3rd, while Augusta DayStrippers held onto his third place spot, but let four others join him. On the downside were three players, myself included, that laid a blood red card down on the table. Four correct picks means 12 incorrect picks. Ouch. For my efforts, I fell from 7th to 13th. BK All Day, in testament to his strong year, only fell two spots from 1st to 3rd. Ver1010, in testament to a not so strong year, only fell from 16th to 17th.
Best Pick Award
Boardwalk Empire (Surprise!) with Utah.
Worst Pick Award
ILLHAVEANOTHER and Go Terps with Washington (come on people, Oregon covers - they just do.)
Stat of the Week
57% of the pool participants are within four points of the leader. This is a very tight race this year.
If there's a smile on my face, it's only there just to fool the public...
Jadaveon Clowney didn't dress for the Gamecok's game against Kentucky because of a bruised rib suffered in practice on Thursday. For the year, he's missed a couple of games, battled injuries, and put off surgery on persistent bone spur problems. He's doing all of this while playing for South Carolina and in exchange he's receiving a scholarship to get his "African America Studies" degree. I'm not completely up on the market place but if Jadaveon should suffer the misfortune of a significant injury, I don't think African American expertise is going to win him a job that will pay the equivalent of a top 3 draft pick contract he likely would have received had he come out last year. Of course, he couldn't come out last year because he wasn't three years removed from High School - this rule of the NCAA makes perfect sense when you remember the fact that the NCAA sucks at everything it does. What is the purpose of that rule? Any number of NFL teams, including my hometown Jags, would have gladly paid Jadaveon Clowney big bucks to come and terrorize QBs in the big league but some pencil necked geek decided that Jadaveon wouldn't be mature enough for that. I really hope Jadaveon just sits out the rest of the year for his sake.
I just said an old sweet song keeps Georgia on my mind...
Georgia got by Tennesee in overtime yesterday after fortune smiled upon them by way of a gift fumble for a touchback when the Vols coughed up the ball on their first OT possession a mere 6 inches from a touchdown. In the victory, the Dawgs gave up 31 points. In the five games they've played, Georgia has given up no less than 21 (to North Texas) and an average of 32 points per game. I'm guessing they have another loss or two in them - like when they face a stout defense because they sure can't stop anyone. The Gators loom on the horizon and while Florida isn't doing much right, playing defense isn't one of those things.
It's something unpredictable but in the end it's right, I hope you had the time of your life...
63 to 0. Hope you enjoy the Big 10 you thankless Terrapin air suckers.
Love,
Florida State
Dirty deeds done d-done dirt cheap...
Both Texas wide receiver Mike Davis and Texas Head Coach Mack Brown defended this play (which occurred well off the ball and after Texas clearly scored a TD) on Thursday night...
I think it just says, better than i could ever find the words to express, how much Texas and Mack Brown suck.
What have you done for me lately...
Urban Meyer is 18-0 as head coach of the Buckeyes. Last night, his team snuck by #16 Northwestern meaning that the most impressive victory in the 18 game winning streak is a win against Northwestern. Wins are wins but...
We gotta get out of this place...
Florida International lost its first four games this year by a combined score of 187 to 23. Yesterday, Southern Miss, a winner of 11 games just two years ago, lost to Florida International.
UVA lost to Ball State 48 to 27...at home.
West Virginia gave up 56 points and over 600 yards to Baylor....IN THE FIRST HAL:F.
Kansas opened Big12 play with a 54-16 loss to Texas Tech. Charlie Weiss remains employed as a head coach.
Overall it was a good weekend for the pool, with 15 players posting double digit weeks. Some were aided by Ohio State's cheap cover (myself included.) If you happened to be watching at 11 last night, you'll know that the Buckeyes scored the last 6 of their 40 points in a 40 to 30 win over Northwestern by pouncing on a fumbled ball in the endzone after the final seconds ticked off the game clock. Brent Musberger even commented that the touchdown was going to make a lot of people unhappy.
Movers and Shakers
Poor SUCFP - she's in the midst of the Fall Festival in Newport News. This means that she is at the tail end of a week of sleepless nights, cranky craft people, and general chaos. In the whirl and wild of the week, she forgot to make her picks, at least until the afternoon. She spotted the rest of us about 10 games and they made a valiant attempt, getting five points out of the twilight games. For her troubles though, she dropped 10 spots in the standings from 2nd to 10th. No good deed goes unpunished I supposed. I hope the fans of crafts and elephant ears that have enjoyed a fruitful weekend in Newport News City Park are thankful for SUCFP's sacrifice. As for the rest of us, Go Terps recovered from his abysmal week 5 performance with a week's best 14 points. This was not only a vast improvement over his prior week but hopefully offered some solace in the wake of his team's 63 to 0 dismantling in Tallahassee. The big week also propelled him from 12th to 5th, making him the week's biggest mover. BK All Day has made a habit of living in our top spot but he had to make room this week for Holy Mackerel V who's 13 point week put her into a tie for 1st from 4th place. Other big movers: Ultimate Bill jumped to 7th from 12th. Go Blue and RastaZombies- Walking Dread jumped 3 from their 10th place tie to a 7th place tie. On the downside, Whoshuregirl plummeted from 7th to 14th with a 9 point week.
Best Pick Award
Ultimate Bill for Kansas State. geauxboygeaux and Big Orange for TCU.
Worst Pick Award
Everyone for Georgia. Boardwalk Empire (lives on these lists) for Syracuse. Go Terps with Colorado.
Stat of the Week
Collectively, the pool is 53.9% correct picks year to date. The average score is 62 points. The median is 61. If a player got every single game correct to date, he or she would have 115 points. The overall leader in the country in Yahoo!'s forums has 78 points.
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You can't spell "DEFENSE" without SEC. See? There's an "S", and an "E" and a...wait a minute
OK - in Tuscaloosa, they may have righted the ship, defensively speaking, having posted a shutout over #21 Ole Miss and Florida is still hanging it's minuscule hopes of anything on a defense that is about the only positive on the team but the rest of the league looks positively charitable. South Carlolina gave up 25 to Central Florida. Tennessee gave 24 to South Alabama?!? LSU 44 to Georgia and Georgia 41 to LSU. Texas A&M gives 33 to Arkansas which gave 45 to the Aggies. Mizzou gave lowly Arkansas St 19 and Vandy gave UAB 24. That's a lot of points for a league that made its bed on stout defenses during its existing 7 year title run.
Lane Kiffin Watch
Mainly because I'm fascinated by the story. The Lane Kiffin led USC Trojans lost to Arizona State by the score of 62 to 41. This is noteworthy not only because it puts the Trojans in an 0-2 hole in the PAC12 standings but also because it now stands as a game tied for the single most points given up by USC in the school's illustrious history. I still wonder if he'll make it through the season. Of course, if he doesn't and knowing his luck, he'll land another NFL gig - Dan Snyder - I'm looking your direction.
Editor's note: The preceding paragraph was drafted at 6:30 in the morning Sunday, about an hour before the news came out about Lane Kiffin's termination.
OK, so he got the boot. Reportedly, this was decided in the 3rd quarter and the news delivered after the plane landed in Los Angeles. I imagine the conversation started like this, "Hey Lane, remember how you left Tennessee in the middle of the night? Well, this is really kinda funny when you think about it..."
Ed Orgeron, architect of the defensive line that just got plowed for 62 points, is the interim head coach - I'm sure that will work out just fine.
Ranking the Rankings
There are eight one loss teams in the top 25. The rest of the bunch is undefeated. Of the eight one loss teams, six are SEC teams, five of whom sit at 18 or or higher and three of whom sit in the top 10. It is hard to really say much is wrong this early in the season but, history would suggest, that with any other league, a loss early on is more damaging. Georgia is sitting at six, just three spots behind Clemson, to whom the Dawgs lost in the season opener. Texas A&M and LSU, who lost to the #1 and #6 team, respectively, sit at 9 and 10, ahead of, among others, Oklahoma, UCLA, and Miami. Again, none of those rankings are criminal but they are evidence of the skew provided by preseason rankings.
The real odd one is Baylor. The Bears have only played three games to date, while most have played four and many have played five. Based on the considerable strength of victories over, in order, Wofford, Buffalo, and LA Monroe, they merit a #17 ranking. Mmmmkay.
Odds and Ends
There are 11 winless teams through Week #5. Six of them reside in equals amounts between the American Athletic Conference (home of Louisville) the Mid American (home of no one of consequence.)
The Legends division of the Big 10 doesn't have a single team with worse than a one loss record.
Oregon has not scored less than 55 all year - which they scored yesterday against Cal, after clearly letting off the gas. Colorado is on the Ducks schedule for next week. Colorado gave up 24 to Central Arkansas and 44 to Oregon State = oh boy.
Virginia Tech donned these beauties Thursday night against GT...
I don't think this had the impact the designer hoped for
Here's a headline I bet you never thought you'd see: "Miami QB Morris: USF dirty team"
Sad news to report. We lost a player. Hate Bill for Making Me Do It submitted his resignation via text after last week's results were posted. While the reason given was for "lack of juice", I have to wonder if the shine was off the past champion's apple (two time title holder no less.) Did he not have the energy? Was the challenge simply not there anymore? Did the ever growing streak of years without a Superbowl title in Foxboro finally shake his faith in football? Only time will tell. Alas, our designated charity will not receive the originally forecasted $500 but the slightly lower, yet still hearty, $475. So to thee, past champion, I bid the fair winds and following seas.
Now, onto the action...
Movers and Shakers
BK All Day was clearly shaken when he was removed from the top spot last week by SUCFP. His response? Did he quit? NO. Did he recoil in fear? NO. He came back with the week's best performance in the pool with 11 points out of a possible 15, which was really a possible 13 since we had two pushes on the week. Not only did BK All Day take the top spot, he gave himself a cushion of two points. Last week's top spot holder, SUCFP, faltered a little with an 8 point week. Not horrible but not enough to remain comfortably on the throne.
On the negative side there were a handful of shaky performances with GoTerps laying a 6 point week and RastaZombies-WalkingDreads going with 7. After that, everyone was 8 or better, which is a plus 50% week so not too shabby.
Best Pick Award
Fat Little Girlfriends and Boardwalk Empire (who lives on this list) with Central Florida.
Worst Pick Award
Boardwalk Empire (who also lives on this list) with South Florida.
Stat of the Week
We have not had one week out of the five when two or more people shared the best week performance. Thus far, only one person, each week, has bested the field. BK All Day has done it twice in the short span with best weeks in Week 2 and 5. Other Best Week title holders are Fat Little Girlfriends, Boardwalk Empire, and Ultimate Bill.
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Well, I finally came uncorked and went about actually picking winners this week. Yes, it is true, Ultimate Bill had the most points. Sure, it took a week with 5 off games of monumentally unbalanced proportions but still, I'm fairly proud of myself. Don't worry, I won't let it go to me hea....
KNEEL BEFORE ULTIMATE BILL!
Movers and Shakers
Joining me in the awesome category was Holy Mackeral V and SUCFP - the females are representing (well, except for Whoshuregirl and ILLHAVEANOTHER)! With her big week, SUCFP takes the top spot from BK All Day who falls into a second place tie with August DayStrippers. Holy Mackeral V jumped from 11th to 4th place with her big week.
Fat Little Girlfriends and Hate Bill For Making Me Do It had some wild Friday nights - at least I suspect as much, because they didn't bother to make their picks. Well, Fat Little Girlfriends came to for the late afternoon action. I guess all those off games just weren't challenging enough. Interestingly, both players were in 11th after Week #3. Since he decided to play at least a little, Fat Little Girlfriends only fell 6 spots to 17th while Hate Bill For Making Me Do It fell to the cellar, unseating Peter Pantsless, a fellow week skipper, from the lowliest of lowly positions.
Best Pick Award
Holy Mackeral V and Augusta DayStrippers for Texas State.
Worst Pick Award
Boardwalk Empire and Ver1010 for Arizona State.
Stat of the Week
Augusta DayStrippers and BK All Day are the only players to have scored in double digits every week so far.
This was the collective score between six of the top 25 teams this weekend against their "competition." Don't believe me? Take a look:
Yes, I had to spreadsheet that travesty. Look, I get it. The little guys need a payday, but who gets ANYTHING out of these games? I know Ohio is the eight circle of Hell and I know there isn't a lot to do, but couldn't 90,000 people find something better to do than watch that? Same goes for all the other schools but Miami, because you know no one showed up to that anyway. True Story: Louisville/FIU went with a running clock starting late in the third quarter! When you are instituting PeeWee footbal rules, something is amiss. That said, Miami and Savannah State agreed simply not to play the last three minutes by going with a 12 minute fourth quarter. Why just three minutes?
Oh - and I'm not even counting UCLA with New Mexico State because New Mexico State, a 59-13 loser, is allegedly a Bowl Subdivision member school.
Speaking of Louisville
Because, you know, EVERYONE is talking about them because of Teddy "Going to the Jags" Bridgewater and his magic arm. I HAVE to ask a question. Yes, I know Louisville blasted Florida in last year's Sugar Bowl, and returned Sir Magicarm, but can anyone explain the #7 ranking, that is sure to climb with what has to be the sorriest excuse for a schedule in the Top 25, and beyond. After slumming through the opening weeks of the season with Ohio, Eastern Kentucky, Kentucky, and FIU, the Cardinals get to feast on the "American Athletic Conference" - i.e. - the Big East Escapee Conference. This solid collection is adorned with the likes of Temple, UCF, South Florida, Rutgers (standing by until Big 10 glory awaits in 2014), Memphis, UConn, and the reasonably competitive Houston. I bet you didn't know it was THAT bad did you?
Around the World
Since the Top 25 slate was paltry, at best, let's take a look at the rest of the NCAA world shall we?
Most Perplexing
Maryland 37 to West Virginia's 0. In a battle of the highest concentration of battery throwing fans in NCAA Football, Maryland absolutely pantsed West Virginia in Baltimore. Granted, West Virginia weren't exactly world beaters, having squeaked by William & Mary to open the year but they held tight with Oklahoma and seemed on track with a pummeling of Georgia State. Maryland was undefeated going into this game but the record was suspect with wins over the aforementioned FIU, Old Dominion and winless UConn. Believe me, there is no love lost in the Ultimate Bill household for West Virginia so I'm tickled pink but still.... (as an aside, the ACC won every single non-conference game this weekend - a first since oh...the last time they scheduled so many crappy teams.)
Most Satisfying
USC 17 to Utah State's 14. At home, USC barely made it past lowly Utah State (the second of two Mountain West teams on the Trojan's schedule.) This is satisfying because it is yet another notch on the "Lane Kiffin is the worst coach ever to stand on a sideline" bed post. Seriously, with all the talent in USC's locker room - and I'm not talking about the Song Girls -
Gratuitous Picture for Gratuitous Reference
all that talent - and this is the best Lane Kiffin can do? USC should Louisville/FIU Utah State. He is SO BAD. Tennessee STILL hasn't recovered from the one year stink he put on that program. His days have to be numbered. Just ask the student body:
Not a photoshop
Most Surprising
Rutgers 28 to Arkansas's 24. I know. I know. Arkansas is a mess but this is Rutgers! Perhaps the Razorback's diminutive 10 point margin of victory over Samford two weeks ago was a sign. Next up for the Hawgs? Texas A&M. Yikes.
Most Entertaining
Pittsburgh 58 to Duke's 55. I didn't actually watch it but it had to be. These weren't junk touchdowns either. Duke came within 7 with 5 minutes left.
Least Entertaining
Virginia Tech's 29 to Marshall's 21. I didn't actually watch it but it had to be. THREE overtimes with no score until the end. This came one week after the Hokies plodded to a 15 to 10 win over East Carolina. On the plus side, Logan Thomas has improved from his week one 19.2% completion rate against Alabama. In the dictionary, next to offense, Frank Beamer sees a picture of a three toed sloth.
For realz
Quick! Name the only undefeated team in the SEC East!
That's right - Missouri. Of course, Missouri has yet to play an SEC team but still.
Quick! Another question
Can anyone answer why UMass is playing Bowl Subdivision football? Anyone? I'd ask the same about Purdue but the Boilermakers have been doing it for a while.
Goblue tells me "My charity will be the YWCA in WhitePlains. Our youngest will start attending day care at the Y in Sept and our oldest will attending before school and after school events each day at the Y. They have a lot of programs for women and kids that don't have the financial means that many of us that participate in the pool have.
It's been a busy 10 days in the Ultimate Bill realm. For that, I've been slacking in my content creation. I was even called on that point by RastaZombia-Walking Dreads. I'm not one for making excuses (who am I kidding, yes I am) but I've forked over for a new roof, new AC unit, and new irrigation pump for my house in a span of 5 days. I imagine this is what Georgia State will feel like after squaring off with Albama this weekend. Believe me my faithful followers, I meant well...I even drafted a Head vs. Heart preview analysis for the game of the season last weekend - Johnny Football vs. The Tide. I even had a picture of a cryin' Tim Tebow worked in there but I couldn't close in time. RastaZombies was disappointed to learn he wouldn't get the crying Tebow. Fear not Rasta, here's your picture:
"Don't worry Timmy, you and Aaron Hernandez will be best buds forevah!"
Note to Tim Tebow. This is what you liked after losing to Alabama. If I had to guess, Johnny Manziel probably hopped in a newer Mercedes, dropped a dime at a nearby casino, signed a booster's hat with "Dear Old Dude with Money, thanks for the dough!", and spent the evening with 3 or 4 Crimsonettes of his choosing - because that's how he rolls.
Johnny Football: "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, Yes, No, No, Yes."
Giving credit where due, Show Me the Money has the single best strategic suggestion I've ever heard for my hometown Jaguar squad. Sign Tebow and draft Manziel and watch the fire and water combo for all it's worth.
As for the game - two takeaways. Johnny manziel might be a little reckless with the ball but he has stones - serious stones. He shredded Bama like it was a high school team and the pick six he gave up, the difference int he game, was not his fault. He was all entertainment. McCarron was, as usual, efficient and effective - like toast. Looking at the young season and the defending champ, it's hard to say what the Tide really is. The offense looked containable against Virginia Tech. The defense looked beatable against A&M. Special teams are out of this world. The schedule though, is light for a while - probably until LSU strolls into town. I think the Tide remains a mystery.
On the other hand, Oregon is no mystery. It's the same lethal killing machine it has been for a while. And this time is plied its wares on SEC turf. Tennessee isn't what it once was but what Oregon did to the Vols isn't something you are going to see an SEC team do.
The Results
Overview
BK all day holds onto the top spot for the second week running while I have locked in 19th place, at least until Peter Pantsless catches me (I hope I never say THAT in real life.)Despite missing a week, Peter Pantsless is two point behind me. I swear I watch NCAA football. I'm just an idiot - apparently.
Movers and Shakers
Augusta DayStrippers makes a big jump from 9th to 2nd with a 12 points. but Boardwalk Empire was the really big mover, going from 16th to 5th with his week's best 13 points. On the down side, A2 Boiler dropped 6 spots to 15th after forgetting to pick the early games (and he still only had one fewer than me.) Fat Little Girlfriends took a huge plunge from 2nd to 11th with a tepid 6 point performance.
Best Pick Award
Boardwalk Empire and BigOrange with Vandy.
Worst Pick Award
GoBlue with Tulsa
Stat of the Week
A week after everyone in the pool scored int he double digits, only 7 players out of 20 did.
Special News Feature!
As you may have heard, Deadspin was tipped about an audio recording of me taken prior to an interview regarding the opening of the 2013 BUCFP Season. If I offended anyone with what I said, I apologize. This, off the record but sincere, remark in no way reflects how I sincerely feel. Int he interest of disclosure, I've provided the transcript for you hear - I don't want you to read some scribe's interpretation - I want you to read the real thing:
Transcript: Bill Sorenson August 22, 2013, 3:42PM
Interviewer: We'll be on in three minutes.
Bill Sorenson: What are we talking about?
Interviewer: Bill's Ultimate College Football Pool
Bill Sorenson: What?
Interviewer: BUCFP
Bill Sorenson: OH! ok.
Interviewer: Nice weather huh?
Bill Sorenson: Yes. Wisconsin sucks.
Interviewer: That's not what I asked.
Bill Sorenson: Oh. They do suck though.
Interviewer: Have you ever won your pool?
Bill Sorenson: Do you actually want me to sit here and conduct and interview with you?
Interviewer: Yes, of course.
Bill Sorenson: Then don't ask me stupid questions like that.
Interviewer: Sorry. Two more minutes.
Bill Sorenson: Fine.
Interviewer: I heard some of your participants were complaining about the registration process.
Bill Sorenson: It took everything in my power to not say, ‘**** you, players. **** all of you.’ **** ‘em.”
“Our players. What a bunch of ****ing fair-weather ****ing—they can all kiss my *** out the ****ing door. ‘Cause the day is ****ing coming now. We’ll see what they can do when I’m ****ing gone. I’m so ****ing ****ed off.”
Interviewer: I meant they were complaining about Yahoo!'s process.
Bill Sorenson: Oh....ummm...well I meant to say our player's are great. This was off the record right? Right!?!?
Interviewer: 3 minutes are up. Time for the interview.
The Georgia Southern University Athletic Foundation supports every student-athlete’s quest for an athletic ring and a diploma by funding scholarships for all 16 Georgia Southern varsity sports.
Well, Friday wasn't freaky actually but I like I like pop culture references and alliteration so I chose to stick with the 1976 Jodie Foster vehicle (NOT the Lindsey Lohan one - do you think I'm some sort of animal?) Saturday was certainly freaky in that some conferences pulled the old switcharoo, much like Jodie Foster and Barbara Harris in that timeless comedy romp. See, if I didn't know any better, the SEC East went all Pac 12 on us. To wit, Georgia, in the span of two games, scored 76 points AND gave up 68. If you told me that a team would do that I would have guessed, with near certainty, that its campus was situated somewhere far west of the Mississippi. That said, west of the Mighty Mississip' you'll find the campus of the University of Southern California which plodded its way to a loss against Washington State, scoring only 7 total points in the process. Mike Leach, architect of the Texas Tech run and fun offense a few years back and prior to Craig James' meddling, went thoroughly SEC on the mysteriously still employed Lane Kiffin.
In other freaky news, the ACC has scored two big wins over SEC teams this year, with Clemson downing Georgia last week and Miami taking out the completely inept Florida Gators in week #2 (way to slack off on your end of the deal Hokies!). On that note, here's a letter to Will Muschamp:
Dear Coach Muschamp;
I'll make this brief. You are the coach of the UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA. You play in the SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE. The UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA is a big player in the SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE. The SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE has more money than 92% of all of the countries in the world. Money actually rains down upon you in volumes of Biblical proportions. Your conference has won the LAST SEVEN NATIONAL TITLES and the UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA won TWO OF THEM.
Jeff Driskel is the best you can do at quarterback?
Love,
Ultimate Bill
This is a Dojo. This ain't no knitting class.
True story. I was entertained to the core after watching Hate Bill for Making Me Do It, re-enact the entire encounter between Mr. Miyagi and the Kobra Kai Sensei from Karate Kid. I will cherish that moment for ever. Tonight, I was flipping channels because, quite frankly, watching Tony Romo do anything on the football field makes me want to throat punch him. On some channel was Karate Kid. What are the lessons to be learned from this cinematic masterpiece?
If a dopey kid gets his arse kicked enough times, you can get him to do all of your housework.
I'll get back to you on this after I find that kid somewhere in Jacksonville. I've got bare spots in my lawn that ain't just gonna sod themselves.
This brings me to my point - the arse kicking. They were handed out in good measure yesterday.
BYU racked up 679 total yards, 550 of them on the ground, against Texas. This was the most ground yardage given up by the Longhorns in their entire history. Knowing what we know of BYU, wouldn't it be awesome to think that at halftime, Coach Bronco Mendenhall (seriously, how football is THAT name?) said the following:
Coach Bronco: What do we study here? BYU Players: THE WAY OF THE FIST SIR. Coach Bronco: And what is that way? BYU PLayers: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR. Coach Bronco: I can't hear you. BYU Players: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.
On to the University of Virginia, which beat BYU the first week of the season. The Hoos want to be a national brand so they've marketed their ineptitude to the West Coast and invited the The Greatest Show ON Earth that's Financed by Phil Knight, the University of Oregon. (No word on whether Oregon chartered individual G4s to fly each player over the Virginia or if they slummed it with two players per jet.) Duck QB Marcus Mariota threw for 199 yards and two TDs and rushed for 122 yards and another six points. By transitive property, the University of Oregon would have run for 1,367 yards in the first half against Texas.
A lot was mentioned about Wisconsin's blanking the first two opponents they played. No points allowed in two full games? Pretty impressive, until you find out these games were against UMass and Tennessee Tech. Next up for the Badgers is Arizona State, followed by Purdue. Now Purdue won't put up the fight of the Minutemen and whatever the heck Tennessee Tech calls themselves, but Arizona State SHOULD put some points on the board at least.
Another horrible beating yesterday came at the hands of Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit who beat the all might tar out of any last shred of credibility they had with their interview of Eminem during the Michigan Notre Dame game. Yeah Brent, I'm sure you "are looking forward to seeing Eminem's video next week."
Off Topic Prediction
This is loosely related to college football so it isn't too terribly off topic so hear me out:
Archie Mannie: quartered backed a an otherwise vanilla, non-noteworthy SEC team and stood out as a bonafide star. Moved onto to the professional ranks where he toiled as the quarterback of the 'Aints, historically one of the worst franchise teams in the NFL. Sired two sons who went onto to dominate the QB position in the pro ranks with a handful of Superbowl titles and a record breaking performance or two, including Peyton Manning's seven touchdown extravaganza last Thursday.
Let's review: Star QB on pedestrian SEC team. Pro career on even less than pedestrian pro franchise.
I'm calling it now! Blaine Gabbert's sons will DOMINATE the NFL in the 2040s!
As a follow up to last week, Peter Pantsless' no show was, according to him, just a big boo boo and he's game to leg out the rest of the season. Kudos to Peter Pantsless and we are on track for $500 to the winner's charity! Now to the action...
Movers and Shakers
There were six off games this week so we all should have performened better and we did. No player scored less than double digit points. BK All Day followed a servicable Week #1 with a Week #2 best 15 points to take the overall lead at 27. He jumped six spots in the rankings as a result! Fat Little Girfriends slowed his roll a bit but his Week #1 best performance carried him to hold onto second place.
Peter Pantless spotted the field a full week by skipping Week #1. He is still dead last but not by much, thanks to two consecutive paltry weeks by the 19th placed player - what a sucker that guy mus....wait, that's me. Big drops this week were experienced by Ver1010 and Augusta Day Strippers who each dropped six spots in the rankings with Ver1010 dropping from 10th to 16th and Augusta Day Strippers dropping from 3rd to 9th.
Best Pick Award
Clear winner here is Boardwalk Empire since he was the only player to take San Jose to cover Stanford in the Cardinal's season opener. Honorable mention to BK All Day and Boardwalk Empire (Again!) for BYU which not only covered on Mack Brown's hapless Longhorn squad but actually beat the pants off of them.
Worst Pick Award
SUCFP and Augusta Day Strippers took UT San Antonio straight up over Texas A&M. They can be forgiven since Yahoo! listed San Antonio as the favorite for some reason - still READ THE FINE PRINT PEOPLE!
Stat of the Week
50.8% - That's our collective batting average through Week #2. And that's with a boatload of gimme games.
Special Announcement
As you veteran's know, BUCFP has been a long standing community and I've come to know many of you outside of the scope of our pool. Many of us in here have known each other well over a decade through this affiliation. It is with that I am sad to report that our rookie player, RastaZombies - Walking Dreads dealt with a loss in his family this week. His name is Tim and his father passed away mid-week. His father was a WWII vet and from what I've read via Tim's facebook updates, an outstanding man. Please keep your thoughts and prayers with Tim and his family.
Well, we started the weekend with 20 registered players, 19 of whom chose to play. Not sure what Peter Pantsless' long term goals will be but we'll see after he responds to press inquiries. In either event, our little gathering will result in either $475 or $500 to a worthy designated charity. I'm very excited about this season!
Movers and Shakers
Well, no one really "moved" since this was the first week, but there were definitely some "shakers". Starting with Fat Little Girlfriends, a long time player residing in Gainesville. Not only did his beloved PSU Nittany Lions pull off the kicker friendly win against the 'Cuse, but he also blazed into BUCFP 2013 with a week's best 15 picks out of 20! Not shabby! Nipping at his heals is the cleverly named SUCFP who brought her self-deprecating practice to the fore with a 14 point performance to hold second place all by her lonesome. At third place sits three players, two veterans and our lone rookie. Eagles and Augusta DayStrippers clocked in with 13 in a nice opening salvo to add to their BUCFP foibles. RastaZombies-Walking Dread (jeez what a mouthful), our newbie opened strong - will he keep it up? He's an odd combo of Hokie and BullDawg fan (he's a Hokie that spent $$$ in Athens, GA for his daughter) - he had a bad weekend otherwise. At the opposite end of the spectrum, besides PEter Pantsless' goose-egg sits yours truly. Unlike years past when I came guns a-blazing (who can forget my 97% first week in 2005? - not me!), I'm going on a slow roll.
Best Pick Award
Fat Little Girlfriends, SUCFP, and Boardwalk Empire for Buffalo covering Ohio State
Worst Pick Award
All of us for Oregon State. RastaZombies-Walking Dread and Boardwalk Empire for TCU.
Stat of the Week
0 - number of weeks we went without a player not making picks!
Yes, you read that correctly. Julie and I discovered that Cheers is available on-demand. We took full advantage until the two child coughing hurricane of the infant September 2013 struck. That said, Cheers is arguably the best sitcom of all-time (yes, it gives Seinfeld and All in the Family a run for the money). So, in celebration, I give you, NCAA Ruminations for the first week of the college football season - Norm Style!
Woody, "How's it going Mr. Peterson?" Norm, "It's a dog eat dog world, Woody & I'm wearing Milk Bone underwear."
Frank Beamer was the architect of Beamerball, the wholly aggressive brand of defense and special teams that produced touchdowns when the offense couldn't. When he really had it clicking though, VT had plenty of offense - people like Michael Vick, Bryan Randall, and a few others could move the ball. Nowadays, a solid offensive performance by the Hokies is as rare a sighting as a disciplinary suspension on an Urban Meyer football team. The drop in the Hokie's win production isn't JUST that the offense is moribund. It's also that the thing we knew of as Beamerball no longer exists. This from the man that almost single-handedly convinced college football coaches that they might want to give a little P time to special teams. One guy that got that message was Nick Saban - who seemed to struggle with teaching the master...
Saban: "I can't even look at you anymore."
Christian Jones, of Bama, scored on a punt return, a kick-off return, and a reception. (Vegas had his line at -9 so he covered!) That kind of thing was unfathomable back in the day. Nowadays, just another drop in the bucket full of Hokie pain.Knowing that the defense held up it's end of the deal (less than 100 yards on the ground for the Tide), it's tough thinking that this game could have been so much closer - not that anyone was really expecting a win. A lot of people, including our own rookie player RASTAZOMBIES-WALKING DREADS, interpreted Frank Beamer's somewhat subdued demeanor as a sign that retirement should not be too far off. Not that unimaginable really.
Sam, "What's new Normie?" Norm, "Terrorists, Sam. They've taken over my stomach and they're demanding beer."
I'm having a hard time deciding if I disdain Johnny Manziel because of his cocky ways or if I love him because he makes the NCAA look like the collection of toothless buffoons that they are. In weighing all the evidence, I'm going to stick with loving the guy. Not only does he give a perpetual bird to the NCAA powers that be, but he also seems to have his act together both on and off the field:
Hard to argue with success
Sam, "What'll you have Normie?"Norm, "Well, I'm in a gambling mood Sammy. I'll take a glass of whatever comes out of that tap."
Did anyone notice that one SEC struggled to be, well, SEC-like? The University of Kentucky Wildcats, with its newly minted coach, Mark Stoops (he ain't no Bob), were put down by their in-state rival Loui...no wait, WESTERN KENTUCKY. The Wildcats were handled and the Hilltoppers offense lit them up. THe architect of that Western Kentucky offense? Non other than....
MY MAN! Bobby P.
Coach, "Hey Norm, how's the world been treating you?"Norm, "Like a baby treats a diaper."
Georgia WR Malcolm Mitchell (#26) tore his ACL and is out for the season. The injury was sustained when he chest bumped his teammate, Todd Gurley. He doesn't fall immediately afterwards but the damage was done.
Woody, "How's it going Mr. Peterson?" Norm, "Poor."Woody, "I'm sorry to hear that." Norm, "No, I mean pour."
Clemson's wunderkind offensive coordinator Chad Morris took the opportunity of his team's fantastic opening season win against Georgia with this nugget of professionalism:''We can play faster. Tajh slowed us down a whole bunch. That was some of our biggest downfalls...' Really, your historically washrag team took down a top five SEC team and you want to play the "we could have been better" game. Let's look at Boyd's numbers real quick - 18 for 30, 270 yards, 3 TDs and no INTs. PLUS 42 yards and 2 more touch downs on the ground. How 'bout easing up a shade Vince Lombardi? Throw the kid under the bus why don't you? Sam, "What's going down, Normie?"Norm, "My butt cheeks on that bar stool."
Speaking of going down? How about going down to slow Clemson's roll?!?!
Woody, "Hey Mr. Peterson, there's a cold one waiting for you."Norm, "I know, if she calls, I'm not here."
I guess I have to finally relent and call the old D1AA the "FCS", whatever that stands for - seriously, I refuse to look it up. Well, I have to relent because I must talk about a LOT of FCS teams that cleaned house on the big boys! Don't you little fellas know how to be good guests? Take your check and your pummelling and hurried along now! What's this? North Dakota State beat Kansas State, last year's Big 12 champ. McNeese State beat South Florida like a drum Towson beat UConn, who might be missing Skip holtz, finally. Northern Iowa knocked off Iowa State (Way to represent Big 12!) and, last but certainly not least, Eastern Washington outdueled #25 Oregon State! AND THERE WASN'T AN ACC TEAM ON THE LIST THE CHORUS REJOICED! Seriously, this is quite a feat for the little guys considering that only once in a SEASON have more FCS teams beaten BCS teams. In reading up about the carnage I saw this little nugget too - FCS teams get 20 scholarships - BCS teams get more schollies for managers, I think. Well that's my very quick and brief read on the first weekend of what I hope will be a magnificent season - they all are. Work calls - blech! In the meantime, because I love them so much, here are some more Normisms: Sam, "Beer, Norm?"Norm, "Have I gotten that predictable? Good."
Woody, "What's the story Mr. Peterson?"Norm, "The Bobbsey twins go to the brewery. Let's cut to the happy ending." Woody, "What's going on Mr. Peterson?"Norm, "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'"
Coach, "Whatcha up to Norm?"Norm, "My ideal weight if I were eleven feet tall."
Sam, "How's life treating you Norm?"Norm, "Like it caught me sleeping with its wife."
Sam, "Looks like beer, Norm."Norm, "Call me Mister Lucky."
Sam, "What'd you like Normie?"Norm, "A reason to live. Give me another beer."
Sam, "What's shaking Norm?"Norm, "All four cheeks & a couple of chins."
Norm, "Women. Can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts."
Woody, "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"Norm, "Alright, but stop me at one....make that one-thirty."
Sam, "What's the story Norm?"Norm, "Boy meets beer. Boy drinks beer. Boy meets another beer."
Woody, "What's going on Mr. Peterson?"Norm, "The question is what's going in Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody."
Woody, "Can I pour you a beer Mr. Peterson?"Norm, "A little early isn't it, Woody?"
Woody, "For a beer?"Norm, "No, for stupid questions."
I wasn't sure how this twist on BUCFP would be taken. I liked the idea of less administration and I liked the idea of a charity benefitting from the fun. While there are still a few more hours until the final chance to register, we hit a nice milestone - 20 players! That means, at the end of the whole shebang, some lucky charity will receive $500 from the BUCFP faithful! Not too shabby.
Thanks for joining me again.
Now...LET'S GET BUCFPING!
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Ultimate Bill Looks at the Top 25
I had an intention of writing a paragraph long analysis of each pick but I've run out of time. I decided to wing it with one sentence stream-of-consciousness. I've laid out the teams and I started on the first five. For the rest, I'm giving myself five minutes to complete the task. Clock is starting....NOW
Alabama (58 of 62 first place votes) - Not sure what the 4 brain dead non voters were thinking. Oh wait! They're brain dead...they weren't thinking. The Tide will likely cruise against my beloved Hokies and then face what might be the toughest test of the season against Texas A&M the second week of the season. Though I predict that the Tide will take care of business all while Manziel tweets about his golden flaked Nike shoes. The thing is, the Tide, for the SEC, has a relatively light slate with no Georgia, Florida, or South Carolina (the SEC East might be back - finally). Furthermore, and this a huge travesty, there are two contests, the likes of which are so embarrassing that they may stain college football forever. Really Alabama, as returning National Champ you need Georgia State and Chattanooga on your schedule?
Ohio State (3 votes) - Maybe these 3 number one voters are on to something. The Buckeyes have the following three toughies at home in September: Buffalo, San Diego State, and Florida A&M. These challenging duels bookend a visit to Cal the 3rd week of September. This is followed by a tepid Big 10 slate that includes three preseason ranked teams, none higher than #17 Michigan (a suspect ranking in itself). The 'Nuts might cruise again this year, only this time they'll be tested in a bowl game.
Oregon - New coach, new multi-bazillion dollar facility, new uniform every quarter, new results? Oregon has pretty much been the same program through its last few coaches. No reason to think the engine won't keep running on all cylinders.
Stanford - see Oregon without the new coach or multi-bamillion facility.
Georgia - Heard this one before. The Bulldawgs pull the opposite move as Ohio State, opening with #8 Clemson, then getting #6 South Carolina at home, taking a break with north Texas, and then right back in it with #12 LSU at home.
Texas A&M (1 vote) - Prediction? Manzeilian fall to Earth.
South Carolina - Jadeveon Clowney is going to wonder why he gave up millions of dollars to go through a season of competitiveness, only to fall short of the SEC title game...again.
Clemson - Is Taj Boyd the real deal? He gets to test against Georgia to start and South Carolina to finish. I predict the predictable. Clemson will fall on its backside at some point in a most inexplicable and astounding fashion.
Louisville - Get your no count Big East arse out of the top ten. This won't last.
Florida - Still haven't not had a quarterback since Tebow. And if you count the Pat's definition, since Leak.
Notre Dame - Sure, why not?
Florida State - FSU IS BACK BABY! (Rinse, repeat since 2001)
LSU - Miles of road to travel giving too many chances for Miles to be Miles.
Oklahoma State - Three Big 12 (or whatever they're called now) teams back to back to back. Two of these three, hint - not Oklahoma State, will vault into the top five within three weeks based on nothing, only to plummet, based on something.
Texas - Three Big 12 (or whatever they're called now) teams back to back to back. Two of these three, hint - not Oklahoma State, will vault into the top five within three weeks based on nothing, only to plummet, based on something.
Oklahoma - Three Big 12 (or whatever they're called now) teams back to back to back. Two of these three, hint - not Oklahoma State, will vault into the top five within three weeks based on nothing, only to plummet, based on something.
Michigan - No Denard? No get yard. Catchy eh?
Nebraska - I don't think the Cornhuskers planned on being a middlin' team in a middlin' conference but here we are.
Boise St. - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
TCU - Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
UCLA - Just beat USC. PLEASE.
Northwestern - Over Wisconsin? Really? Meh - 22rd spot. Who cares
Wisconsin - See 22nd spot
USC - I really, REALLY hope USC doesn't live up to these most mediocre of expectations.
Oregon St. - Does anyone even in your state know you play? Have you seen Oregon's locker room?
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Sunday, August 11, 2013
NCAA Ruminations - Off Season Roundup!
While I was seesawing about whether or not to relaunch BUCFP this summer, I couldn't help but notice it was one of the juiciest summers on record for college football stories. Admittedly, most of the juice came from one source. See the following chart for an explanation:
Still, there was so much going on I just knew that this season was going to deliver big (if it ever gets here). Let's look at some highlights of the off season shall we:
Off Season Highlights
Johnny Football: How do I put this? For the few female participants in our pool, I'm going to share with you something that you may not all ready know. From the ages of 18 through about 23, males are not smart. Not even by the furthest stretch of the imagination. Those in that age bracket that excel, do so by pure luck. Those that excel in sports do so because a) they are immensely talented, b) they probably work hard, and c) they have coaches or other adults that spend unGodly amounts on security details to be sure they don't get in trouble. Well, when you are a freshmen at one of the Holy Churches of college football (located in College Station) and you win the Heisman, I guess all bets are off. If you took me at age 20, removed a few pounds, added a few inches, added some speed, added athletic ability, added talent, etc. (you get the picture)... you'd get johnny Football. Yes, if I won the Heisman, I'd have scooped up every deal imaginable. I have to admit, while I recognize he isn't the sharpest tool int he shed, I admire his spiteful ways! And if it took Johnny Football and Jay Bilas to get the NCAA to ALMOST admit to mountainous levels of hypocrisy, then I'm all aboard! In my dream scenario, Johnny Manziel scores on a run in the season opener and celebrates by pulling a roll of twenties out of his jock and making it rain on the crowd.
Preseason Polls: The SEC has FIVE teams in the top ten because...of course it does. Ohio State nabs the #2 spot because it beat nobody last season and because Urban Meyer is tight with the one we call Beelzebub. Clemson is #8 just because the fall from #5 would have been too spectacular. Notre Dame is #11 because teh Title Game beating simply wasn't bad enough, apparently. Florida State is #12 because the Noles are back for the eleventh consecutive year. Texas is #15 because the Longhorns actually bought the USA Today Coaches Poll with excess cash flow.
Geaux Air Tigers: New LSU offensive coordinator Cam Cameron says the passing game will be "spectacular", thereby assuring the rest of the world that Les Miles is going to call for running plays whenever it doesn't make sense.
If one is to believe the hype, and one couldn't be blamed for doing so: Jadeveon Clowney is the single most impressive force displayed by mankind in history.
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Welcome to the New Bill's Ultimate College Football Pool!
Friends, as you know, BUCFP has been providing college football based entertainment for nearly two decades. What began as a meager, spreadsheet based pool between a few friends, has blossomed into a multi-state, dynamic pool community. Having served in that capacity for many years, and enjoying the results, I decided to step back and look at how to change the pool, maintain its excellence, but reduce the administrative burden. As many of you know, the answer to that challenge was to rejigger the entire thing. That's right, you will still get the same fill of weekly competition from your fellow participants. You will still get the cutting edge journalism that will fill these blog pages. And there will still be a big winner. However, unlike years past, the big winner will be something bigger than each of us as individuals. The real winner will be the worthy charity of choice, selected by the one participant that bests us all!
How it works
As in years past, there will be a main pool, This pool will consist of picking games, against the spread, week in and week out. The games will be based on that week's AP Top 25 (usually between 15 and 20 games per week.) Each correct pick will be worth one point. The player with the most points at the end of the regular season will be declared the 2013 BUCFP Champion! More importantly, the remaining players will all, based upon their pledge (as noted on the Yahoo! page), stroke a check for $25 to the designated charity of the champions. Had this been in place for last year's pool, some lucky charity would have received $900! I've received a lot of positive responses and have ten players registered so far (so all ready a cool $250!)
How to register
If you've not all ready done so, log in to Yahoo! and join our group by going to http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/college, picking Group #1303, and the same password as always (check your email, or email me to find out.) Once that's done, watch your email and this blog for updates, college football musings, and more.
What else?
Look for new features this year in the blog, and possibly other places. For starters, look for the CHARITY SPOTLIGHT. Throughout the season, I will spotlight the selected charities of each player so we all know why we are doing this crazy thing. Who knows? You may see something new that you would like to support too. Depending on feedback received, we may try something for the post season. We also may try a Facebook page for those interested in that type of interaction.
