Week #2 - NCAA Ruminations

Freaky Friday

Well, Friday wasn't freaky actually but I like I like pop culture references and alliteration so I chose to stick with the 1976 Jodie Foster vehicle (NOT the Lindsey Lohan one - do you think I'm some sort of animal?) Saturday was certainly freaky in that some conferences pulled the old switcharoo, much like Jodie Foster and Barbara Harris in that timeless comedy romp. See, if I didn't know any better, the SEC East went all Pac 12 on us. To wit, Georgia, in the span of two games, scored 76 points AND gave up 68. If you told me that a team would do that I would have guessed, with near certainty, that its campus was situated somewhere far west of the Mississippi. That said, west of the Mighty Mississip' you'll find the campus of the University of Southern California which plodded its way to a loss against Washington State, scoring only 7 total points in the process. Mike Leach, architect of the Texas Tech run and fun offense a few years back and prior to Craig James' meddling, went thoroughly SEC on the mysteriously still employed Lane Kiffin.

In other freaky news, the ACC has scored two big wins over SEC teams this year, with Clemson downing Georgia last week and Miami taking out the completely inept Florida Gators in week #2 (way to slack off on your end of the deal Hokies!). On that note, here's a letter to Will Muschamp:

Dear Coach Muschamp;

I'll make this brief. You are the coach of the UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA. You play in the SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE. The UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA is a big player in the SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE. The SOUTHEASTERN CONFERENCE has more money than 92% of all of the countries in the world. Money actually rains down upon you in volumes of Biblical proportions. Your conference has won the LAST SEVEN NATIONAL TITLES and the UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA won TWO OF THEM.

Jeff Driskel is the best you can do at quarterback?

Love,

Ultimate Bill

This is a Dojo. This ain't no knitting class.

True story. I was entertained to the core after watching Hate Bill for Making Me Do It, re-enact the entire encounter between Mr. Miyagi and the Kobra Kai Sensei from Karate Kid. I will cherish that moment for ever. Tonight, I was flipping channels because, quite frankly, watching Tony Romo do anything on the football field makes me want to throat punch him. On some channel was Karate Kid. What are the lessons to be learned from this cinematic masterpiece?

1. If a dopey kid gets his arse kicked enough times, you can get him to do all of your housework.
2. I'll get back to you on this after I find that kid somewhere in Jacksonville. I've got bare spots in my lawn that ain't just gonna sod themselves.

This brings me to my point - the arse kicking. They were handed out in good measure yesterday.

• BYU racked up 679 total yards, 550 of them on the ground, against Texas. This was the most ground yardage given up by the Longhorns in their entire history. Knowing what we know of BYU, wouldn't it be awesome to think that at halftime, Coach Bronco Mendenhall (seriously, how football is THAT name?) said the following:

Coach Bronco: What do we study here?
BYU Players: THE WAY OF THE FIST SIR.
Coach Bronco: And what is that way?
BYU PLayers: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.
Coach Bronco: I can't hear you.
BYU Players: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR.

• On to the University of Virginia, which beat BYU the first week of the season. The Hoos want to be a national brand so they've marketed their ineptitude to the West Coast and invited the The Greatest Show ON Earth that's Financed by Phil Knight, the University of Oregon. (No word on whether Oregon chartered individual G4s to fly each player over the Virginia or if they slummed it with two players per jet.) Duck QB Marcus Mariota threw for 199 yards and two TDs and rushed for 122 yards and another six points. By transitive property, the University of Oregon would have run for 1,367 yards in the first half against Texas.
• A lot was mentioned about Wisconsin's blanking the first two opponents they played. No points allowed in two full games? Pretty impressive, until you find out these games were against UMass and Tennessee Tech. Next up for the Badgers is Arizona State, followed by Purdue. Now Purdue won't put up the fight of the Minutemen and whatever the heck Tennessee Tech calls themselves, but Arizona State SHOULD put some points on the board at least.
• Another horrible beating yesterday came at the hands of Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit who beat the all might tar out of any last shred of credibility they had with their interview of Eminem during the Michigan Notre Dame game. Yeah Brent, I'm sure you "are looking forward to seeing Eminem's video next week."

Off Topic Prediction

This is loosely related to college football so it isn't too terribly off topic so hear me out:

Archie Mannie: quartered backed a an otherwise vanilla, non-noteworthy SEC team and stood out as a bonafide star. Moved onto to the professional ranks where he toiled as the quarterback of the 'Aints, historically one of the worst franchise teams in the NFL. Sired two sons who went onto to dominate the QB position in the pro ranks with a handful of Superbowl titles and a record breaking performance or two, including Peyton Manning's seven touchdown extravaganza last Thursday.

Let's review: Star QB on pedestrian SEC team. Pro career on even less than pedestrian pro franchise.

I'm calling it now! Blaine Gabbert's sons will DOMINATE the NFL in the 2040s!